orockthro: George with glasses and "NERD" written on her forehead (Default)
I've been pretty low energy all week (lucky me) but at least part of the fatigue I can lay blame to a case of Shingles. Color me surprised when that's what my spotty, itchy, ouchie self came down with. I always thought that was an "over 50" malady, but not so.
I'm on the mend, but still a bit tired. It's hard to tell what of that is just poor sleep (I always sleep poorly before my period), what's a Shingles symptom, and what might be a side effect of the anti-virals I got prescribed. I guess in the end it doesn't matter! Tired is tired.
The meds also give me a bit of the queasy-guts, which is both new and not particularly fun. Only another 2 days on them, though.

Reading news:
I finished "Broken Homes" (4th in the Rivers of London series) and am about 40% of the way through the 5th book, "Foxglove Summer." Still having a lot of fun with this series! So far "Moon Over Soho" is the obvious weak link, and I'm glad the subsequent books have kept my interest. Unfortunately it looks like my library system/Overdrive doesn't have the 6th book on audio. This is deeply sad. :< I really adore the reader.

Cooking news: 
No new experiments, but the remaining jars of my coconut yogurt have been delicious, and I can still make a mean batch of chocolate chip cookies.

Life news:
Put in a few hours of OT today, and a new Thing I'm Doing is trying to be as CHILL AND NOT STRESSED as possible. ;) You may note from the all caps that this isn't super easy right now. I'm in a higher-than-usual baseline anxiety state at the moment, and trying to ease that down. Nothing awful, just... higher baseline. :/
Apparently one of the triggers for Shingles is stress.
>_____________>;;;;
Part of it is work, part is probably hormones, part is just my brain.
Things I'm doing-- I downloaded a meditation app and am trying to do at least one tiny little guided meditation per day. I'm also trying to do more yoga.
Things I need to figure out how to do-- not absorb my bosses endlessly escalating stress levels.



orockthro: John Crichton dancing at a distance. (John Crichton dancing)
Thoughts, in no particular order:

Books
"Whispers Under Ground" by Ben Aaronovitch
Finished this one (3rd in the Rivers of London series) on Wednesday, and am keenly waiting on the hold list from the library for the audio book of book 4. I enjoyed the plot a lot more than "Moon Over Soho"-- probably because for once it involved magical individuals who didn't exude sex appeal and instead made plates. I feel you, magical individuals. I feel you.
Sadly, though, I appear to have eaten through about half the fic in the fandom. Why so small, fandom! I sort of want to write it, but I have 3 more books and several comics to get through before I'm done with canon!
It's proving to be a very fun ride. :)

Artistic Output
That sounds... clinical, doesn't it. That might be half the problem.
I'm doing a year long art project with a friend, hosted on Patreon, and it's been a lovely, fun time. But it's 10 months in. And I'm tired. The work I've been making has been simple and uninspired, and I'm having a hard time sitting down and 'doing the work.'
It's natural for me to want to rest, and resting is important. But it's also tied up with guilt for all the things I 'should' be doing, almost exclusively this means artistically. I don't feel guilt for not sweeping the kitchen. ;P
But jesting aside, it's something I struggle with, and something I need to find peace with.
I feel guilty that:

  • I'm not working harder on CC:Otherworld's (that year long project) work
  • I'm not spending my other time working on my dreambook project
  • I'm behind on a commission
  • I haven't put any thought into a poetry coloring book I want to do, either solo or with a friend
  • I haven't finished scripting, let alone designing or making, a short fantasy comic
  • I haven't posted a art blog update in over a month
  • My art newsletter has languished

And
(Mostly)
I'm afraid that I'm forgetting how to draw for fun. Everything I do is "projects."

I want to do all these things.
But I also want to lay on the porch floor, lemonade in hand, and let my cat walk over me. I want to play Pokemon guilt free, and sit on the sofa staring at the wall. I want to not worry about wasting my life, or worry that I'll regret not putting more energy into art and writing. I have things I want to MAKE... but I am tired. 
I have a full time job. And friends. And two weddings I'm in this summer, and international travel coming up soon.

But is all this just excuses? Am I living an un-creative life when I could be an Art Jedi?

Welcome to my brain. Here, have a pina colata. You might need it.

Sunlight
Is a wonderful thing. I craved it all winter, and now it's here in copious quantities, and I want to soak it all up. We don't have A/C but we haven't melted yet. It's good.
Our backyard is filled with jungle-like life, sun, and a (newly hung) clothesline. Despite my angst above, I'm very content right now. Deeply.
(Note that my roommate's face isn't naturally a blob. I did that just for you. Well. And our anonymity. ;P)




Books!

Jun. 11th, 2017 07:55 am
orockthro: George with glasses and "NERD" written on her forehead (Default)
So I still don't know many people here over in dreamwidth land. But I want to. I miss the community aspect of fandom. I miss actually having conversations. 
My problem is that I'm not really *in* a particular fandom at all. It happens, and it's not the first time, but it makes finding community harder. 

Thoughts I've Had This Week:
How interesting it is to watch the 'death' of traditional lesbian culture, and feel like I should be mourning... but not that I am. There are aspects of 'traditional lesbian culture' that I never did and never will fit in with. I'm asexual, so that community was not set up with the narrative that fit with me. And very often those spaces were transphobic in ways I cannot in any way condone. But still, the loss of female-specific spaces (lesbian bars, etc.) is... sad. I hope there's a resurgence. It makes me appreciate WisCon every year so very much.

Books I've Read This Week:
I finished "Moon Over Soho" by Ben Aaronovitch, and am now on the 3rd of the series, "Whispers Under Ground." 
I'm enjoying the world quite a lot, and am feeling fannish flutters (I mayyyy have read a bunch of fic and spoiled myself *coughs*) But the plots are sometimes sorta 'meh.' I'm not really into Peter Grant's male gaze very much, although it at least does feel controlled by authorial intent and not just 'a thing that happens.' And I have to admit that, at least at this point in the series, his interest in Beverly Brook weirds me out. She's mentioned to be a teenager, and while it's clear that means high-age teens (18 or 19 I'd guess) that's still pretty young. :/ The whole 'magical creatures generate a glamour that makes people lust for them' trope is getting old. 
But, that said, I do really enjoy the world, and most of the characters, and Peter's POV is super fun.

Things I've Watched This Week:
My roommate and I watched "A League of Their Own" last night. It was odd. I guess enjoyable? It's about the first women's baseball league in World War II when all the fellas were sent off to war. They wore skirts, and had to be coached by a very drunk (and young!) Tom Hanks. Ostensibly, it's based in reality, and there's an actual documentary about this period in time with the same title. I think I would have rather watched that instead.
It was very 1992. I don't have a lot of opinions, except that sexism in 1992 was clearly not solved yet either.
(Shocker)

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orockthro: George with glasses and "NERD" written on her forehead (Default)
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